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3/16/09

Loser. you're too late.


I've just got to rub it in.
Grace Blume is taken, she's mine. you can't have her.
March 21, 2009 @ 11:00 she takes my name.
be there, or be nowhere (or somewhere else, if you like).

-jeffrey
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3/7/09


most everyone is a planner, a problem maker, a schemer. what does it get them? stress, headaches...pain. look, you're your own worst enemy. stop. relax. you're not in control. do you really want to be? what is a "big deal" - what does that mean?

no problem, no worries, do your duty, and go on. breathe, relax. stop it. if you don't, all our heads will explode.
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2/6/09

India, the melting pot of all cultures



Good day, mate! Or evening, or afternoon, or night, depending on where in this wide world you are. This is to commemorate the EID team on their, and my, trek through India, the melting pot of all cultures. We, obviously, survived. Three cheers and a drink for that, please. Now, for my first blog since my return, the subject is India. Fancy that.

The day we got there, I realized, out of all the countries I have visited in my life, this one was going to be different. That was when two Indians were trying to speak English to each other because they did not speak the same language. India has over 300 different languages complete with their own alphabet. How did that happen? The trick is that every state has different languages, and further languages are made for each cast withing that state. So in the same village, you can speak to your neighbor, but not the guy across the street.

On top of that chaos, there is also the religious relativism. A Christian, a Muslim, and a Hindu can be best friends and be perfectly okay with that. On the other hand, if there is a call to kill your Christian cousin, that is perfectly okay as well, as they have been in North India. We have seen in one instance a church, and temple, and a mosque side by side.
The women there are modest as can be, dressed from head to toe. The men, on the other hand, practically go naked. Many wear a "waisty", a small bed sheet around their waist with a split in the middle so that they can relieve themselves when ever they wish... where ever they wish.

Idol worship has penetrated every facet of living. Sometimes, like when they open up a little drawer to show you a tiny parade of idols and lights with music, that it can be funny, but in a fully functional temple, the laughing stops. The fact that the Christianity there and the Hindu worship were so similar was of no comfort.

The times of Rudyard Kipling is over, for there is very little wildlife left. Now all I say is that it is a very beautiful place at places, but, although I enjoyed myself, I don't think I shall ever return.

I suppose I should say more, but I don't think I will anyway. Now is the time for us to be ever vigilant that we do not fall in the trap of relativism and that God's truth is absolute, that is, is the Bible.

-Caleb
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1/13/09

I'm Off!



to india.

gone to bangalore with most my regime, back in three weeks. intermittent transmissions not likely.

-jeffrey
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1/8/09

Sea-kittens for dinner!

sea-kitty

Green day, everyone, I mean good day. It is time for a news story by me, the hater of sea kittens from the abyss. Unfamiliar with the term? Let me explain... or let me quote, ""Sea kittens" is the new term being used by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, for the creatures they believe are in dire need of an image makeover: fish." What the freeholies? ""Fish not only have the same ability to feel pain as a dog or a cat, but they also communicate with one another," says PETA's Sea-Kitten Representative. "They have complex social interactions; they form bonds; they express affection by gently rubbing against one another." But what the margarita pie are they talking about? PETA has gone way over the limit here. How dare they mess with my fish fry? What am I suppose to call it now, a sea kitten fry? What if I want caviar? Kitten caviar sounds like fetus de feline. Nasty!

And what about Jonah? Was he swallowed by a big sea kitten? That's just wrong on so many levels. And how about renaming them? Cat fish and dog fish would be changed to weirdness.

Me: Where do you want to go to dinner?
Other guy: How about Cat-seakitten king?
Me: That name just sounds wrong.
And dogseakitten is even worse. Swordseakitten sounds like the puss in boots on an off day. This is just wrong, but it's getting support! That is what astounds me; people are actually petitioning with them. I mean, come on people, get your thinking caps on and turn your light bulbs on! (sigh)

"The PETA campaign boasts a colorful, interactive Web site aimed at children and their parents. It offers sea kitten bedtime stories and a design-your-own sea kitten in hopes it will build compassion in families.

"Most parents would never dream of spending a weekend torturing kittens for fun with their families, but hooking a sea kitten through the mouth and dragging her through the water is the same as hooking a kitten through the mouth and dragging her behind your car," Byrne says."
... that's just... wrong. I mean, I torment my dog every day. And I eat cat at the Chinese place in town. What is the matter with these people?
"Byrne says that even if people lose jobs in the fishing industry through the success of the campaign, they could find work in more sea-kitten-friendly environments.

"So as there is less of a demand for foods like fish, there is more of a demand for other foods, and jobs open up in those industries," Byrne says."
What? Can I even find somthing to say to that? Yes! Idiots! Everyone is making money already on the other industries, and if you get people fired, you will answer to God for it, you PEDA on yourself, heartless... Gosh! Ah! (sigh) And besides, no one will care. Red Lobster, Catfish King, Ralf and Kacoos, these restaurants will still be selling to their customers, even if they have to change the word "fish" to "seakitten." I will still eat them until I bulge, and so will the rest of the world. PETA's attempt to make a difference by changing a name is meaningless and worthless. These people get me madder than most of the rest of the world put together. This mentality of "oh look at me, I'm special because I make a difference" is one of witch I have no sympathy with. At least I know I make no difference in this world with my pathetic blog. God, not man, uses things to make differences. And if these guys think that this will be a gold badge on their jackets, let me say that they had better make their own jackets.
"National Marine Fisheries Service management biologist Brian Dixon doesn't see the change coming anytime soon.

"Well, it may raise some money for PETA, but I don't think it'll change the way we manage the fisheries," Dixon says. "I think I may eat some sea kittens tonight.""
As will we all, Mr. Dixon, as will we all. Except, I think I'll torture my dog a little while I eat the sea-kittens, as well as electrocute a neighbors cat. That's always fun.

-Sure, the above post was thrown together by Caleb, but Kevin the seakitten was lovingly designed by Mr. EID himself, Jeffrey.
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12/23/08

Hilarious Ad!!

Thought yall might enjoy this.

It's in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check. You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It's that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities. The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again -- with a vengeance.

We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you'll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 268 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Even with increased performance we didn't skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet, you'll have the security knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of illegal speed.

But the changes don't stop there. Sporty mag-style hubcaps and an all-new aggressive wedge shape designed by CM's Chief Stylist Ted Kennedy slices through the wind like an omnibus spending bill. It even features an airtight undercarriage to keep you and a passenger afloat up to 15 minutes -- even in the choppy waters of a Cap Cod inlet. Available in a rainbow of color choices to match any wardrobe, from Harvest Avocado to French Mustard.

Inside, a luxurious all-velour interior designed by Barney Frank features thoughtful appointments like in-dash condom dispenser and detachable vibrating shift knob. A special high capacity hatchback holds up to 300 aluminum cans, meaning fewer trips to the redemption center. And the standard 3 speaker Fairness ActoPhonic FM low-band sound system means you'll never miss a segment of NPR again. Best of all, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt is made right here in the U.S.A. by fully card-checked unionized workers and Detroit's famous visionary jet-set managers. Even if you don't own one, you can enjoy the patriotic satisfaction that you're supporting the high wages, good benefits, and generous political donations that are once again making the American car industry the envy of the world.

But why not buy one anyway? With an MSRP starting at only $629,999.99, it's affordable too. Don't forget to ask about dealer incentives, rebates, tax credits, and wealth redistribution plans for customers from dozens of qualifying special interest groups. Plus easy-pay financing programs from Fanny Mae. So take the bus to your local CM dealer today and find out why the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the only car endorsed by President Barack Obama. One test drive will convince you that you'd choose it over the import brands. Even if they were still legal.



-The EID Net did not create this article, it is a post forwarded by Corey Hendricks. Full disclosure and what not, you know.
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Merry Flippin Winter



Festivus is in the Studios of the EID Radio Studios. Check it out. (Click the image above).
© EID Network

3 Comments:

Blogger caleb said...

You totally got "festivus" from urban dictionary! That was the word of the day.

12/23/08 1:03 PM  
Blogger caleb said...

http://www.cfsan.fda.gov/~dms/qa-lab18.html

12/23/08 1:23 PM  
Blogger jeffrey said...

i totally did not...

I saw it on a book at Barnes & Noble. HAH!

12/24/08 5:08 PM  

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12/9/08

joy.

joy.
Happiness is a simple thought
But Joy a gem more finely wrought
By choice instead of circumstance;
Rejoicing happens not by chance.
A smile of happiness is sweet;
A joyous smile, more firm, complete.
Value living, liberty,
But happiness as naught to thee.
Choose Joy, and find thyself more free.

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1 Comments:

Blogger jeffrey said...

but how, praytell, can we chuse joy? most certainly it is the Holy Spirit which causes us to "chuse".

12/9/08 11:47 PM  

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11/23/08

love.


I love Thee, Lord,
But I - for loving - gain no praise;
Thou loving first this wretch,
By grace.
And yet, what sweeter glory be,
But that Thy love should honor Thee?

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11/12/08

Read C. S. Lewis, it's Intulectual [Unlike my Spelling & Grammar]]

[No grammatical or spelling changes have been made by the EDITORS, since apparently this fellow presumes to know 'intellectual' from 'non-intellectual'. Henceforth: Sic Semper Tyrannus Editorus; yessir, yessir, ye do no wrongs. Also The Editors Found this a great time to advertise.]

Check out the Great Selection of Books Available at Amazon.com!

Haloo, as the jagullar cries out from the treetops, haloo to all. It is I, the angry Irishman, the narcissist, the harbinger of doom, and what ever else my own editor will call me. THat was sarcasm, I really like my editor. (Please, have mercy!)

Check out the Great Selection of Books Available at Amazon.com!

But enough intros, this is far too important of a subject to just get lost in introduction. I am speaking of reading. No, not like you are now, reading blogs and news casts. I am talking about good, ole' fashion books. I will recommend some, but right now I'm presenting the argument why you need to read more than you are. This means YOU! If you read one book in six months, unless it's the Bible or Gysler's theology books, you are in sad shape. Okay, Lord of the Rings might take almost six if you're a slow reader. Might I recommend a speed reading course? Oh, too late, I just did. Speed reading is essential to reading all the good stuff you can before you die.

But why? Why read? "I watch the news, I know what's going on, why do I need Peter Pan or whatever?" If you read my blog, "Stop the presses," you know my opinion of the news. Aside from that, you, my friend, and I, are morons. Yes we are. And the only way to cure our ignorance and lack of depth is to add depth and knowledge to us. Television won't cut it, especially nowadays. How do you think C. S. Lewis became the genius he was? It wasn't school, he admits that in, "Surprised by Joy." He hated school, ironically. From birth, he was surrounded by room after room filled with books, books, and more books, and he devoured them, learning from great minds, making his greater than theirs by combining them to his own brain! If you have kids and they can read, bye books, not only Dr. Seuss, but Tolkien, C. S. Lewis, Plato, Homer, R. A. Lafferty, William Langland, and any other clean, wholesome authors and books you can get a hold of. If they can't read, read to them, they understand a lot more than they can speak. Treating children like their dumb will make them dumb, treat them like the men and women you want them to turn out as, and punish them if they are defiant! I can't wait to have children myself, I plan on having at least twenty, if God allows, if not, maybe more. God willing, you understand.

Check out the Great Selection of Books Available at Amazon.com!

But what I was taught, and what most chitlins are being taught, is that video games and movies are acceptable pass times, and Santa will bring you magic, and the Bunny will give you food, and the Great Pumpkin of Satan will give you pleasure. Instead of knowledge, we teach lies!

Check out the Great Selection of Books Available at Amazon.com!

But hey, I can't preach, I'm not a reverend. So, if you are still reading this, and you get nothing else out of this, read to your kids, and let them read, read everything good and wholesome for the Lord. Oh, yes, and read the above authors, as well as Charles Schultz. P. S. C. S Lewis is the best out of them all except the Bible of course. What can you expect? He's from the Emerald Isle.
© EID Network

2 Comments:

Blogger Sara said...

I can't agree with you more. Reading is essential for children if you want them to grow up to be competent adults who can think for themselves. Very nice post.

11/13/08 12:47 AM  
Blogger Gracie said...

"the Great Pumpkin of Satan" i thought you liked Peanuts! what's up with that?

11/23/08 7:19 PM  

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